January 2012
I’ve just made a video about 2011 but it’s eight minutes long so none of you will want to watch it, oops!
I am awful at being serious, always have to whack out a bit of rambling and giggling otherwise it’s just not Megan.
thestonestomach replied to your post: Actually had a really good talk with mum. We…
What your mum said about you is quite wonderful. If my parents knew anything about my self harm or suicide attempts/ suicidal ideation, they wouldn’t say such nice things about me.
Oh, that’s sad :/
I am aware of how good and unusual my parents are now, people often say how it’s odd for...
cannibalutopia replied to your post: Actually had a really good talk with mum. We…
glad you exist, meg. you’re a very logical human, good to have you around, happy new year!
Ruth, I am very glad that you exist because talking to you that night actually sorted my brain out in some way and also you make me laugh in a good way. Happy new year to you too little one, I hope you have a year...
Actually had a really good talk with mum. We started off discussing my aunty and how she’s gone nuts in a way that isn’t being nuts, then moved on to things such as my grandparents, resentment, my parents divorce, my relationship with my ex and me being crazy.
I asked her why she finds it acceptable that I want my ex to die and she said ‘well even though I did see a lot of that...
sillyfeather replied to your post: Well I slept through new year and have been having…
OMG! Megan! You’re in the future!
Ahh yes, I’m miles ahead of you baby! ;)
Well I slept through new year and have been having an actual serious conversation with mum ever since. Definitely not starting as I mean to go on!
I feel like I want to write a long post about how shit 2011 was and how surprised everyone is that I’m still alive, especially after I spoke to Holly about it all earlier.
December 2011
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I hate new years eve, I hate going to parties with people who I either don’t know or don’t like just for the sake of doing the socially acceptable thing.
I hate ‘happy new year’, I hate saying and hearing words that were probably meaningful when the tradition started but are now just thoughtless and automatic utterances.
I hate new years resolutions, I hate the grand...
Oh, well it appears that my app decided to repost the things I tagged earlier. Okay, cool.
I’m still alive, I can speak again and my dad is currently asleep on my sofa because he came round to watch DVDs. Today has been quite hideous and I just want to sleep, but of course that won’t happen for several more hours. Wow, I’m so depressing and negative and not hilarious at all...
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Oh good, they couldn’t get any blood after three attempts so I’m off to QA. I feel awful, lack of sleep and fluorescent lights and I’ve just drank a litre of dioralyte so I’ll probably piss myself on the way there too, just as icing on the misery cake of my morning so far.
sillyfeather replied to your post: sillyfeather replied to your post: sillyfeather…
I’m not THAT short. I’m 5’ 2” which is only a little below average. Still, my mom frequently says that I am ridiculously short. She also is under the impression that I have freakishly small feet :P
I wish I was shorter! I’m 5”6 and a half and I miss being 5”4 and a womany height. Hey, I...
Bad megan thoughts.
Just filling my blog with text posts because I have too much on my mind and no one is talking to me.
Blood tests in eight hours. I can’t decide whether I want them to find something now so maybe I wouldn’t have to see the neurologist, or not find anything at all. What I definitely don’t want is another ‘your vitamins are fucked and it’s all your fault you bulimic...
I’m really not spoilt. I know that I often say that I am, but what I really mean is that I’m lucky. My parents always got me what I wanted for Christmas and birthdays as a child, though it was never top range because I knew it wasn’t right to demand that, and I did quite often have new clothes. I am an only child with generous parents, I am the perfect candidate for being a...
Aunty angst.
I wasn’t pissed off about this at the time, but I think I am now.
Well recently my aunty lainey (well, one of mums best friends) has been manic and they’ve all been despairing and such, but she seems to have calmed down but has now decided to just act really strangely.
Last week when the three aunties of joy (Sue, Laine and Tracey) were at mine she totally overreacted to me telling...
Will it affect the results of a liver function blood test tomorrow if I get really drunk tonight?
I don’t think it will but maybe thats silly, um help?
My liver clearly doesn’t need to be tested anyway for fucks sake I wish my doctor would just focus on possible problems that wouldn’t be caused by me, none of my bad habits are any less than a few years old and a lot of the symptoms are less than a few years old so clearly it’s not my fault and I’m sick of having my choices scrutinised when it’s just deflecting from...
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Hello please ask me things! →
Because I need to be distracted from thinking about blood tests/ my life.
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So save your breath, I will not hear.
I think I made it very clear
You couldn’t hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
sillyfeather replied to your post: sillyfeather said: It’s very irritating. I’ve also…
Haha, I have the problem that they’re too small around my hips/waist but then extremely baggy from my mid-thighs down. Stupid wide hips. And it is nearly impossible to find jeans short enough for me, so the hems always get all tattery haha
Ahh, I didn’t know you were a midget! ;)
I have huge...
sillyfeather said: It’s very irritating. I’ve also got problems finding jeans due to my figure…apparently young women should be very very tall and have no curves :P
Oh god, jeans!! Yes! My hips are ridiculously big in proportion to my waist and oh jeans are awful! Also my arse sticks out more than any arse should so they’re always too big at the back where it pushes them out so far so they...
sillyfeather replied to your post: The camera on my iPhone refuses to work in…
Oooh! Pretty! I’m so jealous of all your dresses…I can never find any nice ones around here that actually fit. Damn tits ruin everything -_-
Aw thanks :)
Oh believe me, I know the boob vs. dress war very well! I have an absolute nightmare finding dresses that fit both my boobs and my body, my new thing is...
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Come on girl, it's never gonna be all right..
Rambling pointless angry shit
Absolutely fucking fuming so I’m going to do my usual ‘sit in my room playing about with hair and makeup whilst listening to angry music’ thing. I only have to avoid mum until 6 anyway because that’s when dad gets here, although I’m angry with him too so I basically have to be with at least one person who makes me angry all night. If they decide to have a chat I may...
Well, I’ve woken up all sniffly and my right ear is completely blocked, nice! Mum isn’t going out tonight because she’s ill, which means that dad probably won’t come round. If I am getting a cold, I’m not going to be up for a proper day out with dad tomorrow. I know he only lives in Bedford and I see him most weekends but still, I miss knowing that he’s only...
Saying that, I do wish that Annie wasn’t off this week. I need her to make me think differently about so many things and not having an appointment is really affecting me, I can tell because I’m being neurotic about smaller things than usual. Well I suppose it doesn’t matter because I can’t kill myself before the 4th anyway so it’s not as though I won’t ever see...
Oh yeah and I better say this now when I actually mean it because I’m damn sure I won’t stay thinking like this, but anyway I’ve realised that I actually can’t kill myself yet. It’s all bad timing and things to do people to see and all that, so I’m sticking around for a bit and that is going to make me feel fucking awful but I’ll have to deal with it for a...
Lately I keep doing this odd thing where I get really tired all of a sudden, start slurring random bollocks and fall asleep then wake up ten minutes later absolutely fine and proceed to stay up for several more hours. It happened the other day when I was at dads and I could feel myself twitching in a really scary way and I kept trying to say words but they wouldn’t go from my brain to my...
Mindful yoga must have really relaxed me because I’ve just woken up on the floor with a cat on my stomach and the start of the recording playing again. I actually adore mindful yoga and must start doing it again. Well, if I’m going to be awake alone for at least four hours every night I may as well spend one of those doing it!
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I would still love you if you wanted a lover.
Well my good mood has well and truly disappeared but fuck it. I gave the letter in to the doctors surgery and bought electrolyte drinks so that’s sorted for Friday. We are getting a black kitten who shall be named George and a black and white kitten who shall be named Conor on the 14th, which is a good thing because January 14th is a bad date for me. Tomorrow I am going to find somewhere to...
Today is far too successful. Got many exciting things such as amazing jumpers, Justin lovepants sauceman tickets and TWO KITTENS. The past 24 hours have been just delightful.
“Your only validation is in living your own life, vicarious existence is a...”
– GNR