February 2012
Well I’ve just ‘accompanied’ my dad from Guildford to Bedford on the phone, 76 minutes of him trying to distract me, make me feel better, telling stupid jokes, and narrating where he was. Now I’m not at imminent risk I can go to bed and curl up in a ball with kittens breathing on the back of my neck, goodnight my furry friends!
Ignore my silliness.
Oh god, I rang again and spoke to this nurse who I’ve always really liked (the one who threw the jug of water over me!) but she’s useless on the phone and I had uncontrollable crying which is both very rare and very problematic when on the phone and she kept saying ‘what are you going to do after the call?’ which means she was debating phoning the police, but I’m fine...
simplykathryn replied to your post: I just rang the crisis line and this terrible…
Its going to be ok. In the end everything turns out ok, if its not ok its not the end.
Aww, I actually really like that quote :)
Thank you!
I just rang the crisis line and this terrible nurse who we used to call ‘rat’ picked up and I hung up but she rang back and I don’t know how I feel now. At one point she said ‘relax’ and I said ‘I CAN’T FUCKING RELAX’ so she said ‘I know you can’t Megan you never relax’ which was odd because she rarely says anything correct, and...
Seeing as I’m having a truth fest, I really wish I could talk to my CPN right now because I’m scared and I can say anything to her and I don’t worry about her reaction and she hasn’t threatened to section me for about a month. Soon she’ll be the only support I have, and soon after that she will start hating me, so I really should be speaking to her as much as possible...
Morbid.
I know I have been saying I’m freaking out about this appointment, and I am, but nowhere near as much as I usually would. It’s possibly the scariest situation I’ve been in other than the first ECT disaster, and I’m not feeling it enough. I was thinking it’s just the medication stopping me from feeling things, but actually I think it’s because I know I’m...
Well it’s 02:43 and I haven’t eaten today and now I really want some sort of ratatouille concoction but obviously not quite strongly enough to actually cook something. I wish there was some sort of 24 hour meal delivery service that did normal food, I’d also appreciate pineapple frozen yogurt right now. I think I’ll have some vodka.
My heart is leaping about so much recently, more than it has in so long, and I don’t know whether it’s because I’m anxious or because I’ve been back at the old level of misbehaving, oh dear.
Watchkittymonsterx:
#Pompey - Minus 10 who gives a fuck, we’re super Pompey and we’re staying up!
And this is what Pompey supporters are supposed to be like! I am a fan of this chant.
Anonymous asked: I hope this isn't too rude, but why are you and your mum different skin colours??
It has been hard to breathe all night and painkillers aren’t working on my ribs or my head, fuck.
See, I’ve spent so much time worrying about having something neurological wrong with me that I wasn’t really considering the alternative. No one thinks they’ll find anything and ever since my GP said he wanted me to do this, I’ve been thinking ‘oh well if they find...
Dads birthday cake is in the oven and I’ve just lulled Conor to sleep in my arms while dancing and singing to Love Is A Battlefield and We Built This City, it’s important to me that I bring my cats up correctly! Cheese playlist is the best thing ever for baking on a Sunday and distracting mum from her card making with my top notch dance moves and beautiful voice. The only hitch in my...
Half of me is really glad I’m single because I hate being ill in any way when trying to maintain a relationship, but the other half is lonely and I’m scared because all of the worst things I do are driven by loneliness and I don’t trust myself at all.
Feeling very loving towards my dad and also sad that he’s doing his first weekly radio show tomorrow and I won’t be able to listen/watch because my laptop has been killed by the kittens. Well I’ve bought him presents this year and I’m going to make him little dinosaur shaped cakes tomorrow so that’s alright, I’ll try and be nice too even though my anxiety is...
shineon-diamondeyes asked: ok whatever you do do not watch the last episode of psychos k?
requiescence:
freakinbogus:
The...
shineon-diamondeyes asked: you'd quarantine me!
shineon-diamondeyes asked: INFLUENTIAL CAITLIIIIIIIN i almost typed infuenza ahahahahaharr
shineon-diamondeyes asked: oh kittens. yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hi phaahahahah idek whats happening
shineon-diamondeyes asked: its only online! it is just for the day. I feel the need then to continue our lovefest from the 5th to 6th? I MISS YOU
shineon-diamondeyes asked: 4od :) i also love you. well guess who's college has been closed!? Ohhhh ye
shineon-diamondeyes asked: i will try to watch that! omg megan what are you doing the day after justin loverman?
shineon-diamondeyes asked: you're the expert! ;) dunno never been in an adult nuthouse 'ave i? Ye its not glamorous at all ye it was on tv years ago in 1999 think it is a bit old fashioned but yer.. xx
shineon-diamondeyes asked: its sooooo good its about the psychiatrists and doctors and social workers in a nuthouse in scotland and omg :D x
shineon-diamondeyes asked: megan you HAVE to watch psychos like you have to have to omg <3
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More football thoughts.
Oh wow, the commentator read out a few texts people had sent in and one of them was something like ‘I wonder how much the ref was paid by the football league to screw us over’ and it has irked me. That kind of mindless whining is not what we’re about and you should know that, that’s not what Pompey supporters do, yeah it often does seem like everyone/thing is conspiring...
woaah replied to your post: Basically just football love.
I remember going past Fratton park when the football was on. It’s bloody mental!
Haha, it is! I often wonder what on earth tourists think when they casually amble through fratton and hear roaring coming from this big metal thing surrounded by police :P
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Basically just football love.
We just parked up by Fratton park and listened to the football whilst also listening to the crowd and it was excellent. I fucking love Pompey, I love relegation battles and the way our support is so amazing when we’re in trouble. I wish we’d gone to the match because Pompey vs Leeds is always one of the best, the atmosphere sounds so good today. Also there were eight police vans parked...
Today is going swimmingly so far, I am not panicky or ill, we’ve had a nice drive, the weather is great, it’s football listening time in half an hour and then we’re back to mine to watch things and I need to make birthday cake later. The only problem arose when I had to climb over a waist high wall in a knee length pencil skirt, but I persevered and it worked out fine in the end.
sillyfeather replied to your post: Talking about suicide because someone asked me to….
Oh god. I’m dying. Seriously dying. Magnetic shower curtains foiled your suicide plan. Can’t stop laughing. I love you so much, Megan. I can totally imagine you walking out and being very aggressive with a shower rod trailing behind you. Brilliant!
Hahaha, oh my god Rowan you should’ve seen me, I...
I’m in bed but it’s too warm so I won’t sleep, I’ll just lie here for a while with a kitten on either side, thinking about how incredibly fucked off I am.
I don’t know, I just am often astounded by how high some people can be on the wanker scale, or maybe not astounded because I’m no longer surprised.
Fuck it, I’m seeing dad tomorrow and I’m...